That Time I Walked Down a Hill and Back Up Again

I had my regular biweekly visit to the cardiologist this past Monday (June 18th). My recent increase in symptoms seems to correlate to "high volume load", or increased fluid retention. This is really the source of most of my symptoms; heart failure describes scenario where the heart is not pumping effectively and so fluid can get backed up in the system. A lot of people get swollen ankles but I tend to distribute the extra load everywhere so that it's hard to tell, except by monitoring sudden increases in weight and, of course, changes in my symptoms (which is why I log both at the end of my posts). At any rate, it warranted another medication change which hasn't had an immediate effect. I had been concerned that I might have to be admitted, right up until the end of the visit. I honestly don't know if I'd rather just get on with surgery or a procedure that will get me on a waitlist for a heart quicker, or delay things as long as possible. I'd still like to be able to work through December; I feel really insecure about what my financial situation will be once I can't work for...3 months? 6 months? A year?

I know I worry too much and it's probably not good for me. I did get a chance to get out of town for a little bit this week and visit with friends. Aggie has gotten pretty good about waiting for me to catch my breath when we're walking and we managed to take a short walk down to the stream while we were there. I took a million pictures, and they all came out like this. It's tough coming to grips with the idea that a hundred yards on a hilly trail is enough to wipe me out for the day.

My July 12th visit to OHSU is the next big step on the path, so I'll focus on that date and try not to worry about the in-between.

Weight: 213.6, Symptoms: Shortness of Breath, Chest Pain, Mild Nausea, Light-Headedness, Fatigue, Fatigue, Fatigue

A Finish Line

After today, it's all over but the grading. The term is at an end and I'll have something like 10 or 11 days off once I'm done with all of the bookkeeping. I had an awesome group for my first ever statistics class and now I don't know why I was so hesitant to teach it. Being able to string a few days together soon where I can just recover from all of the work I've had to do over the past couple of weeks is going to be amazing.

Also, the move is done! We had a ton of help from some awesome people, and the house was just about in order by the end of day one. I still have an office to set up and a good pile of boxes to unpack, but it's totally livable, and I couldn't be happier there. The dogs couldn't be happier either. Melinda has continued to power through and get things done. I don't know where I'd be without her. Here's the backyard, I'll post a few pictures of the inside once I finish off my box pile.

I guess the only thing bringing me back down to earth is the return and worsening of some of my symptoms. I'm really experiencing chest pain like I hadn't before, the nausea is back, and the shortness of breath is more frequent and severe. My next scheduled appointment with my cardiologist is next Monday, and I think there is a small but real chance I will be admitted and have my final evaluation expedited. I'm not sure how long of a hospital stay that would mean, but it could be a while if they decide to go with a procedure. Anyway, I don't know what to expect, so I'd better try not to worry about it so much.

I'm happy to say that I've talked to both of my sisters in the last few days. They've found some of my mom's old journals where she might have kept track of some of her symptoms and medical progress. I'm not sure how useful they will be, but I can't wait to see them out of curiosity alone. I'm also grateful that both of my sisters are making plans to come out here and help me through parts of my recovery.

Weight: 208.6, Symptoms: Increased shortness of breath, frequent chest pain, mild nausea, some light-headedness

It's Never Good News

I had my regular meeting with my cardiologist yesterday. Now with the results of all of the testing, he was ready to make some recommendations. The discussion included everything from being admitted immediately to trying to make it through with medications until December. At the core of the discussion was the fact that my heart won't make it for another year. No percentages this time, just a 1 year time limit. (Of course, I realize there's no way of knowing if it will be 3 months or 3 years, but he was clearly trying to make a case for urgency.)

So the next stop is OHSU where the transplant would most likely be performed. They are going to decide if and how I should be waitlisted or what other surgeries might extend my time and improve my quality of life to fend off a transplant for a year or two. My impression is that within the next six months I will have one of two fairly drastic procedures, neither of which I'm comfortable thinking about, and then be put onto a waitlist for a heart. But we'll see what they say when I go up the hill.

As several people have pointed out to me, this does nothing but increase the likelihood of the situation I had already assumed was going to happen. It maybe firms up the timeline a bit. Regardless, I took it pretty hard yesterday. My plan to try and work more through December is looking less realistic, and I had my first meeting with the social worker who will help manage my case in terms of disability and support. I'm so grateful to have something in my savings account again thanks to the gofundme. All you guys are awesome, you have no idea what it means to me.

Hopefully I can focus on moving this weekend and get my mind off of all of this. Also, these guys help...