I'm being admitted tomorrow for my surgery. It's open heart surgery that will result in a mechanical pump attached to my heart. I will have a power cord sticking out of my abdomen and a battery pack to carry around. I'm not sure if the actual surgery will take place tomorrow or Thursday, possibly even Friday, but I'll then be in the ICU for a few days, then in a recovery room at the hospital for a couple of weeks. When I go home I'll need 24/7 supervision for some period of time. A month? Honestly, I don't recall the details. I'm leaving the details in others' hands. At this point I'm just along for the ride.
I'm terrified. Not so much of the surgery, I'll be knocked out for the duration. Not so much afraid of dying; it's a risky surgery, but fairly routine for these people and I'm otherwise young and healthy. Not so much afraid of the pain, though I've been told that will be significant. There are drugs for that. I'm terrified at the prospect of adjusting to life with a heart pump. I'm told that this might get me to the transplant list in as few as 6 months, but if that doesn't happen, the pump is likely to keep me alive for about seven years. Seven years with a power cord sticking out of my abdomen and a battery pack to worry about. That's what terrifies me. And I guess death too.
So, I guess my next post will be after the fact. I don't believe in god or prayer, but if you do you're welcome to send some my way. I was going to end this with 'see you on the other side', but I realize that could be taken rather morbidly. So...afk for now. l8r.
Weight: Dunno, Symptoms: Whatever
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