Tuesday, August 7, 2018

You Can Skip This One

I normally don't write these when I'm feeling particularly poorly, so excuse me if this one is more negative than usual.

Before I get to all of that, I met with the pharmacist and the social worker yesterday. The pharmacist really had very little to say, which is fine. The meeting with the social worker went on for almost 2 hours. She has me feeling more optimistic about my financial situation, though it sounds like there will have ti be more of the fundraising (begging for money). At least she knows of corporate and charitable funds that may help, as well as taking point on getting benefits and helping me with insurance when I can't work. And that brings me to the biggest news:

I could be waitlisted as early as next week.

A more likely timeline would put it a couple of weeks out, but either way it's sooner than I had expected. It's terrifying, but it's great news. What's not so great is that I'll have to stop working as soon as it happens, which means there is a very good chance I won't finish the term. It will be cutting things close anyway. That's really disappointing, I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down.

The other bit of good news that came from my meeting with her was that I'll be able to see the dogs while I'm in the hospital. That's a huge deal.

My Wednesday appointments have been moved, so not much else is happening this week. I have iron infusions this weekend, and a ton of grading to do.

Now I'm going to complain.

I feel awful. I can't get through a 2.5 hour lecture without chest pain and nausea, and I have to do it twice on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'm teaching 2 classes when I'm used to teaching 4 and it feels like the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel like someone has been kicking me in the chest for the last 3 hours. My head is swimming and my body aches. I am fatigued to the point of pain. I've had the simplest things trigger waves of pain and nausea; tying my shoes, sweeping the floor, getting out of the car, walking for more than a minute or two. It's not like this every day, but on the days I work it can be brutal. Today has been one of the worst.

The things that are keeping me going are the dogs, my friends, and escapism. My friends show up. Mel is an angel, I wouldn't get through this without her. Every time I've asked for help, someone steps up. Jef and Andrew, if you're reading this crap, I hope you know that you've saved my life.

Okay, that's enough of that.

Weight: 214.6, Symptoms: All of them, bad.

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